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to the best of my remembrance
it was four years from the day
i rode the bus up to new york city
for some class war themed role play,
and the strangest thing connected
these two separate occasions:
i woke up in transit, panicked and screaming.

i returned from the midwest
and felt this cosmic adulation
for the girl who's wittedness
had made the dauntless seem wasted
and in contrast to the tear gas
and the post traumatic stress
she had a disattached composure,
i felt frantic and helpless.

avena sativa
would you ever be my
would you be my valerian?
(they call her the setting sun.)

kava kava chamomeleon,
boswellia geranium,
they call her the setting sun,
but she's my valerian

it was four years from the day
i'd had that crashing realization,
i was not chasing catharsis,
but contently i was waiting.
and the thing that marked the difference
in these two separate occasions:
i woke up in comfort, blissful and vacant.


from Backlash, Baby, released November 20, 2015